Facilities, Freak Concerts, & The Future | GO Magazine


4 am, Chrystie Street: I’m guzzling champagne like I’m going to the seat. 6am, Sugar: i am ordering pancakes and gossiping in the today defunct diner filled up with construction industry workers and burlesque performers.  8:45 am, the
Lengthy Island
Railroad: Help me. 10am, Babylon Station: my father chooses myself up, and I also beg him to prevent at Starbucks.

“are you presently frigging kidding myself? Absolutely a cawffee cooking pot yourself!” The guy pretends getting irritated but the guy puts a stop to everytime.

Yourself, I buff of my personal eyeliner, increase black colored trace and another level of concealer, twist my 26 inches locks extensions into a bun entirely on top of my mind, throw-on black colored Spanx leggings, platform shoes, black onyx earrings by means of snakes, a maroon polo that says HARBES FARM and a name label that says DAYNA: BARNYARD ADVENTURE REPRESENTATIVE.

My journey through the tunnel of
the downtown area and medicines
has come to an in depth and from now on it’s time to start-up my Subaru, placed on Lana Del Rey, and use the Sunrise interstate entirely to my seriously ironic work on a farm.

Libby, a tiny white goat greets myself every morning, and follows myself around as I refill the hand sanitizer and goat food dispensers for the BARNYARD ADVENTURE.

Harbes Farm draws wealthy visitors and urban area dwellers looking the most perfect Instagram article with among preceding things: a chocolate apple, a pumpkin, a wine bottle, or a cider donut, with one of several following captions:

drink not?


Pumpkin spruce and every thing wonderful

, or

selected the most effective one

(put fruit emoji here). On weekdays, should there be a lull from flannel-clad young adults and hot mothers with french manicures, once I’m through with my tasks which include ensuring the Sirius XM station is definitely tuned to “family bluegrass,” we stealthily fall my personal laptop computer out from my artificial Gucci bag covered in debateable stains and frantically replenish my personal email, nervous to find out if any editors have actually become back again to myself.

We ignore the sound of this cellphone ringing (I mean, whom

phone calls

a fucking


?) and capture Libby a look that states “keep the snout sealed.” She dutifully takes a haphazard piece of lint from the floor and pretends never to see myself typing out like a junkie as opposed to responding to the phone. You need to pitch another publisher. The editor of an esteemed lesbian publication.

Dear Editor,

Photo the grimiest diving bar you are sure that. Bundle that with by far the most terrible porta-potty you have actually peed in.  Bundle that with the crowd that’s about lengthy Island Railroad the afternoon associated with the Saint Patrick’s time parade. Increase that by a million and you’ve got The Dizzy Lizard Saloon. And here I came across my basic severe girlfriend. At Hofstra college last year, we were nonetheless strong inside our Jersey Shore phase—Ed Hardy shirts, bejeweled Blackberry instances, spraying tans. I’d like to create an
article for GO Mag
on navigating an aggressively heterosexual area in a lesbian connection. Performs this appear to be one thing you would certainly be into?

kindly please please or we’ll destroy my self kindly

We hit deliver and before I can commemorate with a call into the PIG PEN PALOOZA, a household of 5 is available in to buy BARNYARD ADVENTURE tickets.

“Hi! Thank You For Visiting Harbes! Do You Want to attempt your b–”

don’t say butthole, you should not say butthole –


“PetUH,  look the wonderful woman from inside the attention whenever she offers you your own wristband.”

I really don’t care should you decide seem me personally within the hard nipples, just hurry-up thus I can refresh my personal e-mail.

Eventually, a break in clients provides me to be able to fling my laptop computer open so difficult we send an
acrylic nail
ricocheting into the fruit cider donut device in the act.

Hello Dayna,

I positively LOVE this concept, it’s been a long time since I’ve had gotten a pitch that excites myself, therefore many thanks.

Totally accepted.

My fingers slam inside keyboard and I practically foam at the lips as I compose the whole article within an hour or so behind the sign-up. As I show up for atmosphere, Libby is actually eyeing me personally. “Weirdo,” she


under the woman air and trots away. “also remember to replenish the goat food dispenser inside my section,” she calls behind the girl, wagging the lady stumpy small tail, while my hands nevertheless tremble over my laptop computer.

Whenever time has ended,

We speed house with a banana and a diet plan Coke hanging of my purple MAC smeared
and I’m currently pulling my work shirt off before we walk-in leading doorway. I throw-on a latex black catsuit and douse my self in skip Dior. Father proposes to drive me to the LIRR. Like getting candy from a baby.

“Why are you always using ya underwears?” he requires as he shoves a windbreaker that’s been into the wardrobe since 1993 into my arms. The guy puts a stop to at Starbucks after setting up a fake protest. I leave the windbreaker in the auto. Babylon to Penn Facility. Penn Facility to St Jeromes. Jeromes to a “key location.” A spray coated college shuttle to a warehouse in Greenpoint. Susanne Bartsch. Flashing lights. Open up bar.  We unintentionally follow Solange to the woman exclusive car. I have to be back on farm in 6 several hours, but I can’t fight the siren phone call of the Lower eastern part. The Box. Once Again.

The best restroom attendant, firm as always, continues, wearing a tuxedo and re-filling mints within her dark and embellished prison of fake gold and velvet, flushing lavatories and raw nostrils, high-pitched moans and low priced recommendations, cold-water and cool treatment, outdated cologne and little girls, porcelain sinks, porcelain epidermis, porcelain lines.

We’re jam-packed in similar sardines and that I can’t actually see the performers, in fact it is really okay beside me. When the renowned Rose wooden is not performing from the package, I do not actually proper care how are you affected on stage. Sure, burlesque performers may be hot, but they are they dressed as Anna Wintour and plunging their unique ass with copies of Vogue, pressing in a shopping cart and throwing shit in the market, emptying a condom on a rich foreign Prince, or lighting their own penis ablaze while sobbing bluish mascara rips? I didn’t think so.

After clinking champers with hot bearded gay males and skinny models, my pal Gabe whisks me personally off to a “seem show” which simply performs sound of a motor vehicle collision time after time.

Woman Starlight,

wearing a marching group outfit, idly revolves on a record player.

I wish Libby ended up being right here,

I think to myself personally once I see a pub child using hooves.

We spend my entire paycheck on an Uber directly to operate from Sugar. My eyes ask to close and that I drink bluish Gatorade while Libby judges me personally.

“at the least my cousin doesn’t hump myself,” we snicker while I scoop the girl upwards during my hands. We send another pitch to visit’s editor before turning on the Bluegrass household Sirius XM section. If I need certainly to notice “Wagon Wheel” once more, i would hop before a tractor. She emails me personally straight back instantly and serotonin cha-chas through my mind.

After my personal ”
10 The Explanation Why Jenny Schecter Is A Feminist Icon
” pitch is eligible, I cash my farm income and speed to your just appropriate bistro during my home town. We prop myself on club using my laptop computer, purchase a bottle of red wine and burrata and bang to my keyboard ways I would envision Frank Zappa would madly compose a tune or a witch would cast a spell. “Los Angeles Vie En Rose” is playing and I also calmly give thanks to Lana Del Rey as a tear splashes out from my personal lash extensions. We hope this is the very last time I am eating dinner on Montauk Highway in suburbia.

Two weeks later on, I will move into the part of a publisher for example of America’s preeminent and the majority of commonly browse lesbian magazines. My personal mail dents and that I search just as if Ashton Kutcher will come-out making use of the “Punked” camera crew any 2nd.

I positively would love to maybe you’ve create much more and–actually I am not sure if you’re thinking about implementing but we are choosing a writer/editor right now to become listed on we! I believe you’ll be outstanding match!

Goat crap, stage crap. Glitter bombs, heaps of soil. Paychecks, eight balls. Father’s auto, Sophia Lamar. $15 an hour, $2k a container. Maroon polo, black colored exudate catsuit. Lighters and chocolate oranges. Purple lips and pumpkin spots. Stables and complete strangers. Finish the bottle. Hit send.